Did this become apattern; that is, cross-dressing followed by masturbation 'en femme,'with progressing feelings of wanting a man mounted to your womanlyself, and with that plaintive cry of wanting to be a woman at themoment of orgasm, followed by post-orgasmic denial?" Oh, Charles, I am so embarrassed?but yes, exactly."Charles then noticed I was hiding something behind me. He grabbedbehind me and wrestled the items away from me: a very realistic rubberpenis, a tube of KY Jelly, a gay magazine with many close ups of erectpenises, some ejaculating; and a transvestite pornographic magazinewith many photos of effeminate transvestite in various sexualencounters with naked men. And, finally, a cuckold magazine showingreal men having sexual intercourse with wives of transvestites, thetransvestites assisting while dressed in sissified maid's uniforms.Charles spent several minutes looking all of this over with greatinterest and care as I sat pulling my skirt down again and again, flushwith. I'd like to tell you I felt sorry for her but I didn't. She'd made me what I am now by tearing out my heart. All that was left was the pain from my past and a rage I have to fight to control every day.Over the past two years I'd found I couldn't move on. The fact Teresa kept stalking me didn't help.She'd always said we were soul mates, destined to be together throughout time. I thought it was kinda silly, like she'd read it somewhere and just liked the sound of it. I have my doubts now.I've never felt so alone, like a part of me is missing. I find myself looking next to me wanting to ask her what she thinks. At times I've even reached out for her hand but it's never there. I can feel my heart growing colder and the anger growing each time it happens. She'd always been there for me before.I remembered my graduation. My dad wasn't there because Billy had gotten in trouble again. Dad had gone down to the police station to pick him up and to talk with a counselor. My mom was so worried.
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